I told myself I wouldn't blog about this anymore, but it seems like that's not going to happen. heh So yeah, here goes.
Today is seven months since Hannah passed away. I woke up this morning with a heavy heart, heavier than it has been in a while. I was confused because I hadn't been in such a strange mood in a few months.
The plan for today was to wake up and go to B-rock for a picnic. If you don't know, B-rock is this gorgeous look out spot put by Riverside park just down the road from campus. You have to park and then walk through woods on a dirt trail to get to it, (Yes. It's tresspassing. Shh..) but the view is georgeous and so worth it. So me, Haleigh, Hannah (girl across the hall), and Kelsey(suitemate) all went and made the hike up to B-rock (after we went to another spot I knew of and had a picnic). Once we got there, the view pretty much took my breath away. I couldn't ask for a more gorgeous day. So, there I stood on the top of a big boulder looking out over the river and what seemed like a sea of green, red, and yellow trees. I climbed down a few levels of large rocks, and took a seat on the edge of a boulder. The other girls were up higher than me, so I was sorta by myself enjoying such a peaceful scene. As I looked out, I was almost moved to tears. I got to thinking about Hannah, how thankful I am to have had such a friend.. something I totally took for granted back then when she was here. I thought when she passed away, that by now things would be easier. Well they're not easier, just.. different. My life has changed more in the past 6 months that it ever has. Not that that's a bad thing, I should be used to change, but I don't necessarily like it.
But as I was sitting there, I thought about my life and how I've been rescued from my fears and anxieties.. How much I have to be thankful for. God has such a plan for my life, and it's so incredible to think about the possibilities. So, instead of dwelling on myself and my own selfish wants, I want to be able to wake up every morning and honestly thank God for giving me the life that he has. I'm not entitled to a tomorrow, though I tend to live every day as I am. But nothing that I have is "mine", especially my life.
It seems like every day God teaches me something new through the life of my dear friend. Seven months ago, I would never have thought I would have learned anything positive from the death of Hannah. I honestly couldn't even wrap my mind around the seven months that I had in front of me. But now, as I look at my growth, I'm amazed to realize the grace that God has given to me. I can honestly say that I have been rescued.. Today, I have been reunited with Christ.. Praise God for his mercy. Seven months ago, I was so.. confused. I didn't want to think about anything, because when I did, it always came back to Hannah. That annoyed the ever living out of me. So I pushed it all away, God in particular. But. Today, as I sat there, I saw his beauty.. And a tiny part of how much I have to be thankful for. I wanted to start singing "My God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty. There's nothing my God cannot do! *clap* *clap*" But I refrained. :)
So.. all in all, I'm so greatful for the connection I made today. Or reconnection I should say. Praise God for Hannah.. and for the time I had with her. Praise God for his power.. his mercy. I'm so excited for what's next.
<3
love, Lauren..
